It's a Small World...

My father has never been great at choosing gifts. No hard feelings; it's just not his thing. Nowadays he sends cash; that's always good. But when Tori was little, he tried. And usually failed. When the kids were about, oh, seven or eight, the Fail Gift was a Christmas gift. Matching toys, so everyone's equal. Tori's was a fairy and EJ's was a dragon. The figures sat on a base with a pull-cord. You pull the cord out, and the figures whirl around really fast and rise up into the air. Pretty, right? So they both opened their gifts, pointed them both directly at each others' faces, and pulled the cords. And that was the one use they got of those toys.

When Tori was much more tiny, the Fail Gift was a walker. It was one of those thin plastic ones you see people selling on the side of the road. Pink plastic. In the right corner, just under her elbow, was a small silver button. Now, when she accidentally hit the button, it played the Disney song 'It's a Small World'. One of the most annoyingly cute songs ever. At first, it was merely annoying, because she only ever hit it by accident. And then one day she learned how to hit it on purpose. The walker became much more annoying that day, as she would hit it about once every twenty minutes or so.

And then she learned to lean on the button with her elbow. The good news: it stopped playing the song over and over. The bad news: it started playing just the first four notes. "It's a Small World... It's a Small World... It's a Small World... It's a Small World... It's a Small World... It's a Small World..." So the next day, Mom comes home from somewhere, and Tori's down for a nap, and I'm sitting in the living room floor with the walker, a screwdriver, and a hammer. She opens the door and asks me, "What are you doing?" I quickly slam the hammer into the screwdriver, sending pieces of the music button crunching into the carpet. "It broke," I answered.

Two Little Monkeys Jumpin' On The Bed

When Tori was a toddler, my sister and her son, EJ, lived with us. It was like having twins, even though they were a few months apart in age. Tori was older, and EJ was bigger. And there was no doubt as to who was the dominant twin. EJ's first phrase that he spoke was 'Ok, Toria'. She said it, and he did it. If we found something broken, we knew, EJ had broken it, but it had been Tori's idea. So they got punished equally for most everything. One of my favorite examples of Tori's dominance over her poor cousin was the jumping on the bed story.

One day the two kids, around age four maybe, are playing in one of the bedrooms. There's a grown-up bed in there, but it's kind of high to climb up on. I'm walking down the hall, and through the half-open door I hear Tori's eager voice say, "Come on, EJ, let's jump on the bed!" Intrigued, I stop and peek through the door where they can't see me too well. Sure, I could have walked in and forbade the activity, but I tried to let them work things out themselves.

I hear EJ mumble something, but he's still sitting firmly on the floor. Undeterred, my sweet little girl is now standing on the bed. "EJ, come on. Climb up on the bed and jump with me!"

EJ stands up, cocks his head at her, and says, "I don't think Aunt Martha wants us jumping on the bed." He's a smart boy, because last time they tried jumping on the bed there were cracked heads as a result.

"No, it's okay, EJ. It'll be fun!" Because, of course, fun is all-important. She's motioning at him vigorously now, and bouncing a little on the balls of her feet.

They go back and forth a couple of times, with Tori all excited about jumping on the bed, and EJ pointing out that they aren't supposed to be jumping on the bed. Finally, he starts climbing up on the bed. He's got one foot up on the side, and she's pulling on his arm, trying to help him climb. I hear him say, "We're gonna get in trouble." But he's climbing, nevertheless.

At this point, I did step into the room, picking up one tot, and then the other, and placing them on the floor. "You're right, EJ," I say. "Aunt Martha does not want you jumping on the bed." The look of relief on his sweet young face was adorable. Tori, undeterred, was off to something else. After all, she wasn't in trouble - it's not like she had actually jumped on the bed.